FOMFTMTT – The promotion

So I got a promotion at work! Kind of… not really…. Does it count as a promotion if I got the title and do the work but don’t get the pay?

So I was handed this really big portfolio at work. I spend most of my day working on it and use my time after working hours to catch up with the rest of my job that has remained undone during the day. This fancy title we will just sum up as FOMFTMTT. Yeah I’m not kidding, I need all those letter in there…

So my position as FOMFTMTT is a really big deal. I have been given control of one of the biggest operations that my company will be doing for the next year. Not only that, but it is also a test project and my success or failure will determine whether this project will be rolled out in other areas or not.  So Im working my ass, trying to prove to my company that trusting me with such a big responsibility was the right call to make (I hope). So now I do two jobs. I do the one I was hired to do, as well as the one I need to prove I can do.

Have you ever tried to do two jobs at the same time? No? Well how about 4? Yeas you read that right, I do 4 jobs at the moment. The two I have explained above, the one I was hired for, and the one I need to prove I can do. But then, I also am doing my same hired job in a different area s they need to hire a new staff member for that position, but until such a time that work cant remain undone… So I’m covering there, badly I might add, I’m not giving it the full attention that it deserves. Then lastly, my line manager has cancer and is off work more than what she is at work and on the days that she is off work, I am the acting(Insert her position here).

So this is what I mean, I am doing the work that is normally done by 4 people. I am running myself to the bone and wearing myself out emotionally. But it’s a promotion right? Right?

Students in uprising

I am disgusted in my country. Not in my everyday “I live in South-Africa” kind of way, but in a way that makes me shake my head with sad eyes and realise that after 21 years of democracy, we have managed to run our country straight into the ground.

Back in the 1970’s South-Africa erupted into chaos as students protested in order to receive quality education in their own language. Police shot rubber bullets and fired stun grenades. Children had to die before the government sat up and took notice.

21 years into democracy and it’s like history is repeating itself. The students of South Africa  started protesting against the rates of higher education. With the rates constantly increasing, it has become almost impossible for most people to continue their education without getting a bursary or signing themselves up for a lifetime of debt.
So students are protesting, peacefully I might add. They are having sit in’s and are asking the government to take note. They are asking for the government to lower the cost of education.

Do you want to know how South-Africa responded? We shot rubber bullets at students. Stun grenades and smoke bombs were thrown at students, often burning the skin off of the unlucky few who were seated in the drop zone. The government spent days, fighting a war against unarmed students while our police force stood dressed in riot gear.

Then I turn on the radio and listen to white presents complain about how they got a job during university to pay their way or got a student loan. I don’t think South-African’s have any idea how they abuse their “White privilege”.

I am a white south-African. I come from a home where my parents gave me everything I needed but not everything I wanted. I went to public school in a decent area. My grades where not good enough to get me a bursary and we were considered too rich to qualify for Government help, but my parents could not afford to send me to University. I worked 3 jobs while I was a student to keep up with paying the interest and making my way around town. Then I graduated and got a job to pay for the lone I had taken out.

So if I had followed the same rout as the radio presenters, why did it irritate me so to hear them complaining about it? Well, because I realise that I was sent to a public school with decent accreditation that taught me in my own language, while my fellow student had to study in a language that was not their own, in classes that were unequipped to teach them. I realise that I was able to get a student loan because my parents could sign a paper that said we would give them our house if I didn’t pay them back, while my fellow student was raised in a shack and has nothing to offer the bank in return. Because I realise that I worked three jobs because I had my own transport to rush from one place to another, while my fellow student had to hope and pray there was a taxi there to get them to class on time. So you see, while I am a white South-African, I know that I have benefited in ways that were beyond my control.

I have been given these additional options and challenges because of the history of my country, and just like I no longer blame apartheid for the situation I am in today, I expect my fellow students to do the same, but I do acknowledge the privileges that I have gotten.

So hearing a radio presenter say that others should do what he / or I did. Made me angry, because he hadn’t spent a moment considering the fact that that might not be an option.

But students won today. Our government has agreed not to increase the student rates for next year. This is still a long way from making education affordable, but it is a start. I think its time for young people in this country to make a change.

“If the ANC government does to you what the apartheids government did to you, you must do to the ANC what you did to them” – Nelson Mandela.

Bad boy versus Good boy.

So I haven’t ever re blogged anything from another blogger, but this is just a post that meant allot to me today. Maybe its because im over worked and over stressed… or maybe its just because Im lonely. Hey I will even go as far as to say, maybe its because im reading a book with characters that fit perfectly into these descriptions.

So whatever my reason is, go read this blog. I recommend it.

With you i am

Bad boys are incredibly attractive, and have something very special about them. Mysterious, rebellious, passionate, spontaneous, impulsive, entertaining, confident, and dare I say, ridiculously amazing in bed! The kind of man everyone tells you to stay away from, but you know it will be an impossible task. They  are  outrageously addictive. I would say as good or as bad as chocolate. You know the kind, smooth, velvety, milky,  sweet, melt in your mouth, enough to taste orgasmic kind of chocolate. I know there is a certain risk to going out with a bad boy. I’m sure some of them can be unbelievable  ass holes. Although  the temptation of being with a man who will live in the moment giving  you  the time of your life can be very alluring to any woman. I believe there are two kinds of bad boys , one where men are just show off’s, and only seek to get one thing from girls…

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No, You dont get to play the victim here

Today is the Ex’s birthday. His first birthday after our breakup. So being the bigger person that I am, I send him a message wishing him a happy birthday and a good year to follow, the same as you would do for any friend or acquaintance. Then, somehow he manages to make it all about him and how much he is hurting.

We have been broken up for about 4 months now, The only contact we have had in this time, was once when I messaged him because his gran died and once when he messaged me on my birthday. That was it. Those were the only times that he felt it was appropriate to contact me.

I still have him on facebook and keep a close eye, I like to know that y ex’s are still doing well (Im weird like that). Lately his facebook has been crawling with photos of him with girls and statuses about some crush without ever actually saying he has a crush. (Like seriously, when did my ex start acting like a love struck teenage girl who is unable to tell the person that they like them?)

Anyhow, so today he replies to my birthday message telling me he misses me. Being who I am, I tell him I miss him to and how its strange that we are now strangers but that I keep an eye on facebook and am glad to see he looks happy. “Facebook lies”

How is it fare that he broke up with me and then is allowed to play the “I am so unhappy and I miss you” card? How is it fair that I was the one that was crushed and still somehow manage to end up being the bad guy in the picture?

I am a strong, independent woman and I refuse to go back to someone who broke my heart. But even more than that, I refuse to let him play the victim. You dumped me. Get over it.

Watch me adult!

Isn’t it ironic how we grow up just when we start to think we will never grow up? How is it that in those moments of pure childhood innocence we discover truth about ourselves?

I have long ago given up on the notion that I will ever truly grow up, I will never see myself as an “adult” the way my parents or their parents before them were, no matter how old I get. I guess this is because of the differences in our generations. I have google and the internet to teach me things that they were just expected to know… I have freedom and choice where at my age they were all married and having kids… they were adults.

So here I am, 24 years old and living the life of a so called adult. I do what needs to be done. I pay the bills, I get on with life. Then I go home, crawl into my blanket fort and read a book by torch light till the early hours of the morning. (No I’m not kidding… although this is more due to the fact that it is winter and we have a tendency to have no electricity than what it’s about being a kid, but never the less I still do this)

This past weekend my dad and I were having a disagreement about something and for the first time in my life instead of being my stubborn self and arguing with him, I just bit my tong and left him to believe that I agreed with him. I picked my battles. That’s when it hit me, I had done something completely grown up, I had made the decision to let my own views remain silent as not to disrupt the environment or the mood of the conversation. By choosing not to be involved with the argument I was able to continue the day, mostly unharmed by unpleasantaries.

“Part of the happiness of life consists not in fighting battles, but in avoiding them. A masterly retreat is in itself a victory.” – Norman Vincent Peale

I was set. Only, I wasn’t.

So I have a house, a car, insurance and medical aid. I have a retirement policy and a death policy (Or whatever we call that life insurance thing that pays out to your family when you die). I thought I had my life all figured out, I was set. Only, I wasn’t.

So it turns out that you can plan everything down to the last detail. You can be sure to plan for any possible problem that may come your way, you can be ready for everything…. except that everything will always exclude those little unforeseen circumstance.

At 24 I am pretty impress with the secure life I have managed to build myself. I most certainly am not complaining. But along with all this planning there is so much drama!

I am currently in the process of moving over to a more comprehensive insurance. Partly because I want to feel more secure knowing I will be taken care of if I end up in hospital, and partly because I am concerned that I may have inherited my moms back problems and I need to ensure I am cover before I go and see a doctor about it.

Let me explain: In my last year of high school I got this pain in my leg. It started off as a simple pulled muscle kind of thing. So we weren’t to worried. Most muscles take 6 weeks to heal, only in that time my pain had been getting worse. It got to this point where I would wake up screaming at night from the pain and was unable to stem on the leg at all so off we went to the doctor. The first course of action was to inject me… when that failed I was sent off to see a specialist.

The specialist pointed out what a factory reject I am… I’m telling you, my mom should have sent me back when I was born. My hips rotate the wrong way, in simple terms, if I was a barbie doll, my waist would be twisted back to front, only all the body parts were still on the right side. I have a 3cm difference in lengths of my legs, outside the normal range. And so the specialist pulled and tugged and measured and sent me off for x-rays. When those came back clean I was sent off to get an ultra Sound on my leg… then physio therapy and a chiropractor and heat therapy and ice therapy and acupuncture. I was sent for yoga and lifestyle testing and hell knows what else as it was becoming impossible to keep up. After months and months for different treatment options and poking and prodding there was still no clear reason why I should be in so much pain. So they sent me home. “Wait for more symptoms”

The pain eventually went away on its own, only bugging me on really cold days, kind of like a reminder “hey i’m still here!”. So why am I worried about this now? Well about 2 weeks ago I woke up with the most horrible lower back pain. I could hardly stand up straight let alone move.I took some muscle relaxants and suffered my way through the day. As the pain in my back started to ease, the pain in my leg began. Noting nearly as bad as it was back in 2009 but its till there, making it hard for me to walk long distances or stand for long periods of time.

We never checked my back out as it was never sore before…. but now what if all my problems are being caused by a pinched nerve in my spine or something of that sort? It will mean more costly trips to the doctor and every other test he can prescribe me… all things that my current medical aid don’t cover.

So now I am in the process of filling out forms and getting official copies of documents and all that other nonsense to endure that I am all covered if and when this or anything else blows up in my face.

Some days I want to go adopt 10 cats and just pretend to be the crazy cat lady… her life seems so simple…

100 Truths

So Today while scrolling through my facebook wall, a post by a friend of mine caught my attention. It was titled 100 truths. So I figured I would bring it here and share with you, my dear readers, 100 truths about me.
1. Real name: I suppose this is a bad way too start at 100 truths but my real name does not appear anywhere on my blog as I don’t want it linked to my life, so I guess I will use my Internet name. Emily Smiles (Or Emily Lost, depending on where im posting)
2. Nickname: In Real life- Emo Nemo (Ask my high school friends how they came up with that one)
3. Favorite color: Black and pink
4. Male or Female: Female
5. Elementary school: This tiny little school that was named (Insert town where I grew up) Primary… Im not kidding
6. Middle school: South Africa doesnt have such a thing
7. High school: First I went to (Insert town where I grew up) High School, again I am not kidding… but then I moved to a new City and went to a school named Framesby
8. College: Yes – A Certificate in Conference Exhibition and Event management. Also, I have more lately gained a Certificate in Strategic Political Communications.
9. Hair color: Dirty Blond
10. Tall or Short: Meh that’s a tough one, average I thought but tall compared to the woman I work with
11. Sweats or Jeans: Sweats
12. Phone or Camera: Camera, I love taking photos
13. Health Freak: No
14. Orange or Apple: Orange
15. Do you have a crush on someone: No
16. Guy friends or Girl friends: I used to always say guy friends, but when I was in my last relationship most of them drifted away…. so… girl friends I guess
17. Piercings: Only my ears
18. Pepsi or Coke: Nether, Yuk
19. Have you been in an airplane: Yes
20. Have you been in a relationship: Yes
21. Have you been in a car accident: Only if falling with my scooter counts… or small bumper bashes but I wasn’t driving
22. Have you been in a fist fight: Fist? No… I have however been in a fight where a scissor went through someone’s hand and broken a guys nose in self defense, but that doesn’t really count as a fight.
23. First piercing: My ears when I was a baby
24. Best Friend(s): Honestly? I dont think I have one of these anymore. My best friend is a dumb ass who has walked out of my life, If he ever returns I guess he will still be the person I consider my best friend.
25. First award: A certificate for graduating from Play School? I think?
26. First crush: Apparently I dated some play school kid but I don’t really remember it
27. First word: You will have to ask my mom this question
28. Any talent: Does being a bitch count? Haha no seriously though, I can read music and can play the flute and the clarinet and maybe one day I will add ice skating to this list, but so far I am still bad at that.
29. Last person you talked to: A work colleague (A)
30. Last person you texted: A different work colleague (L)
31. Last person you watched a movie with: My mom
32. Last thing you ate: A slice of cold pizza
33. Last movie/ TV show you watched: Game of Thrones
34. Last song you listened to: The ringtone on a colleagues phone but I don’t know the song
35. Last thing you bought: Besides the pizza? Uhm electricity
36. Last person you hugged: A good Friend, Stella

•Favorite:

37. Food: Pizza
38. Drink: Water
39. Bottoms: Skirts
40. Flower: Sunflower
41. Animal: Cat? Dog? Lion?
42. Color: Black and pink
43. Movie: The Pride and the Prejudice… Easy A….  Anything Disney
44. Subject: Well I don’t have subjects as I am not in school

•Have you ever? (Put an X in the brackets if yes.)

45. [X] Fallen in love with someone?
46. [] Celebrated Halloween?
47. [X] Had your heart broken?
48. [X] Went over the minutes/ texts on your phone?
49. [X] Had someone like you?
50. [X] Hated the way someone changed?
51. [] Got pg? (I don’t know what this means)
52. [] Had an abortion?
53. [X] Did something you regret?
54. [X] Broken a promise?
55. [X] hid a secret?
56. [X] Pretend to be happy?
57. [X] Met someone who has changed to your life?
58. [] Pretended to be sick?
59. [X] Left the country?
60. [X] Tried something you normally wouldn’t try and liked it?
61. [X] Cried over the silliest thing?
62. [X] Ran a mile?
63. [X] Gone to the beach with your best friend?
64. [X] Gotten into an argument with your friends?
65. [X] Disliked someone?
66. [] Stayed single for two years since the first time you had a bf/gf or been single forever?

•Currently:

67. Eating: Nothing
68. Drinking: Water
69. Listening to: A colleague on the phone
70. Sitting or laying: Sitting
71. Plans for today: Get out of work, watch game of thrones and get a good nights sleep
72. Waiting for: Life to happen
73. Want kids: I want to adopt
74. Want to get married: Some day
75. Want to travel: More than anything

•What do you look for in a partner?

76. Lips or Eyes: Eyes
77. Shorter or Taller: Taller
78. Younger or Older: Older
79. Romantic or Spontaneous: Both? Im greedy like that
80. Trouble-maker or Hesitant: Nether
81. Hook up or Relationship: Relationship. I dont have time for people to waist my time
82. Looks or Personality: Personality… but it never hurts if they are easy on the eye

•Have you ever:

83. Lost glasses: I don’t wear glasses… but Iv lost my sunglasses
84. Snuck out of the house: Yes. But I live alone now so I dont need to sneak
85. Held a gun/ knife in self defense: No but I have held a scissor and simply used normal self defense that didn’t use a weapon
86. Killed somebody: No
87. Broke someone’s heart: Yes
88. Been in love: Yes
89. Cried when someone dies: Yes

•Do you believe in:

90. Yourself: Some days more than others
91. Miracles: I do…
92. Love at first sight: No. How can I love what I do not know?
93. Heaven: This question is complex. I believe in heaven yes, but I also believe in reincarnation and that no one is in heaven yet, we shall all return home together some day
94. Santa Claus: No. Just no.
95. Aliens: Yes. I dont believe they are little green men or anything but in this entire universe we cant be the only planet with life on it. Somewhere out there, there are others, maybe just like us.
96. Ghosts/ Angels: Yes

•Truthfully?

97. Is there one person you really want to be with right now: Although I miss certain people dearly, they have walked out of my life or I have walked out of theirs and it is all for a good reason. So no… I guess there isn’t anyone who I would love to be with right now
98. Do you know who your real friends are: Yes
99. Do you believe in God: A believe in a God… I dont believe in the bible though
100. Post as 100 Truths: Thats what I am doing, Yes

So If you have actually stayed awake during all of this, then you now know a little bit more about me 🙂 Yay

Recap – Some things you missed

So once I had calmed down from my frustrations I took a little time to go back through my blog and realised that not only have I been neglecting it, that I have neglected to tell any of you about anything that has happened to me in the last while, so here is a bit of a recap.

The boyfriend that I had mentioned in a few posts is no longer a part of my life. We have broken up. I guess there are some things in a relationship that are just too great to live around. I thought we could compromise on things like who wants kids and who doesn’t and in what city we hope to live someday. But it turns out that these were the very things that tore us apart. While these things aren’t an issue now, what is the point in continuing a relationship that so clearly has an expiry date for us?

So I am once again single and trying to remind myself who I was before I was a part of a “we”. It’s allot harder than you think. I work long hours and get home late, but even so, those evening hours use to be filled with him and now that there is no him, I have no idea what to do in those hours where normal people are sleeping. I have no idea how to fill this time that I have created in my life. I can’t go to sleep before 11pm and I get up at 6am. There are allot of waking hours to fill.

He is being a little bit childish after the breakup. Not how I expected things to go, considering he was the one who ended it and according to me, we ended it on good terms. He ignores my parents when he sees them in public, like just completely pretends that he has no idea who they are. Then I texted his when I heard his gran had passed away. Told him how sorry I was and that I would be thinking of their family, Do you know how he responded? He responded with an “Uhmm… thanks” text. You know the one, that text that you send to people in awkward situations when you really have no idea how to respond to them. Yeah one of those texts.

I still have a bunch of his stuff at my house and I was planning to go and drop it off for him, but with all his childish behaviour I kinda feel like telling him that he can ether fetch it or it becomes mine. But does this make me as childish as what he is? What would you have done in this situation?

I have taken up ice skating as a hobby. The new ice rink opened in our town only a few weeks ago. It’s been fun, trying to find my balance and not break something in the process. I am getting lessons from an old professional skater, but I think she has the misjudgement to think that I might someday be good. I am aware I will never be good. I don’t have the time to put in the work that would be required of me… that, or the money. But even so, it has been fun. A new activity that was never something I had done with the ex. Something that is just mine.

My granddad who had been in remission for cancer, found out it had returned a few weeks ago. He has had his voice box removed and is now back home recovering well. It’s typical for our family, just as we think things are going ok, they find a way to fall apart.

C’s (My daughter / cousin) dad is dating this new woman. While I have no issue with her really, I do have an issue with the fact that my little kid pitched up looking like a 10sents hooker with way to much makeup and heels that were way too high for a kid of her age. I blame the new woman for giving her the makeup and clothes that was needed to pull this look off. When did it become okay for kids in their preteens to dress and act like adults? Did I miss the memo? Looking at the way she was dressed when I saw her, I could understand how men in their young 20’s are being arrested for sleeping with underage children. Our children are misleading the men into thinking they are way, way older than what they are! I am disgusted in the generation we are raising.

The two wedding I had told you about, are over and done. Being a bridesmaid for each of them came with its drama as can be expected. However I am so happy for both of them. It’s great to see how happy they are with the lives that they have chosen.

A girl that I had been best friends with in high school married and just had a kid with the boyfriend who abused her for as long as I can remember. Not physically abused but mentally abused. Is it wrong that I hate her for the life she has chosen? She is a smart girl who wanted to be a nurse someday. Instead she is a cashier, married to another cashier. Please don’t misunderstand me, I am not saying being a cashier is a bad thing, but how do you raise a kid on the salary earned by two cashiers when I am barely taking care of just me on my decent salary? What kind of life are they offering that child? What opportunities will she ever have? I swear, some days I feel like people should take an IQ test before they are allowed to reproduce.

I have discovered this new antique store that I have fallen completely in love with. They have a bookstore with more old books than I have seen in ages. Is spent hours there on the day we found it, I probably would have spent even more time there if I wasn’t with my mom who really gets bored looking at a bunch of books all day.

Aaand now I think I have bombarded you with enough information for one day. Although I think this is far from informing you about everything you have missed.. I guess that gives me a reason to tell you about it again tomorrow.

My daily Frustration

Do you know what annoys me? People who don’t do their damn jobs. That’s who.

So I hold the same position as a few other people in the company. We all have the same job. We have the same amount of work. Yet there are always those people who are too busy to do damnwell anything. How is it that I manage to do my job, the job of a position that has not yet been filled as well as assist you to do your job? How is it possible that I can do so much in a day and you are unable to even get through the basic work that comes along with that salary that you draw every month?

I am literally sitting in my office listening to a college tell people over the phone that she is too busy to meet with them now as they missed the meeting by two hours. This is a complete and utter lie. They were here 15min after the meeting time. Now sure we all hate late people but it is not their fault that you then went to another meeting for the past two hours, they can’t help that they have been in reception waiting for you for the past two hours.

I am frustrated with people and their lack of work ethics. I am frustrated with people that want to get the salary but not do the work. I am frustrated with people my age that give the rest of us young people a bad name. I work my ass off for my position and I don’t appreciate being grouped in with all the rest of those who really don’t do anything at all.